Pointless...

I just feel angry, and I'm angry basically all of the time. I can't even fathom the idea why. I am just angry..

Lately, the only thing I have been watching is the Winter Olympic Games. I wake up to it and I go to bed watching it.

In other news, I didn't do so well on the past two tests. ugh.

Probably the most pointless post ever.

It's a Charmed Life

From reading blogs, I've come to the conclusion that I will never get as deep as any of the blogs that I read. But I think that's from my perspective on life. I never really did live a hard life. To be completely honest, I believe that I have a charmed life. I've always been a little spoiled throughout my life, yet I still worked extremely hard to get where I am today.

Anyway, I finally made up with you. And it feels great. I'm sorry for acting the way that I did, but I didn't know what to do or how to feel. I thought about it though, A LOT.

I feel better. I feel more like myself.

If we'll find better days

How am I supposed to feel? I just feel so weird-ed out. I may have to deal with the amount of stress I have, but I don't know.

I sleep whenever I get the chance, granted it's only like 6 or 7 hours a night. I still feel exhausted. Even when I slept for almost a day, I was still tired. I don't know if it has to deal with the stress level that I face on daily basis-- school, homework, work, family, and just life itself. But everyone my age has to deal with this, but what makes mine so different. I know I should not be complaining about this in a blog. But when it comes to it, I don't know what I'm saying, so this just an outlet for my random ramblings.

Even though the news of you occurred all at once, and you have apologized for it. I don't know if I can really deal with it. I have this feeling that says 'it's going to be worth it. just stick with it sandi'. and I know that I need to stick to my gut feelings, but something tells me that they are wrong.

You were the person that I ran to for advice, and now I don't know if I can. So I can't really run to anyone. I don't know what to do anymore. I just wish time would freeze give me time to work things out. Because I wonder "if we'll find better days"

I can't breathe without you, but I have to...

As I sit here in my dorm room alone and attempt at my Discrete Math homework, I can't get myself to do it. I just can't, and I have to blame you for it...

I don't even know where to begin to describe how I feel. I don't know if I should be angry or sad. Should I be angry because you chose not to tell me and that I had to find out through a network of friends? Or should I be sad because I feel like I'm partly to blame for this because I didn't spend enough time with you or I didn't see the warning signs and I should have taken some action of some sort. But frankly, I don't know anymore...All I know is that sitting here and crying seems like the only thing that makes sense to me... We were supposed to talk today, but I don't think that's going to happen. Mostly because I don't know if I really want to... I know that at some point we have to talk about it because nothing is going to get fixed if we don't. But at this point in my life, I don't want to talk about it.

Even though you don't want things to change, I believe that they will change. The change may be good or it may be bad. I don't know. I hope you know that I may not be able to see you in the same light. I don't know... Is it worth it? Or has things gone past repair? I just want to find the answers, but I don't want to know the answer if that makes any sense...

What's done is done, and I guess only time will tell what happens...

And My Head Keeps on Spinning

I have never felt this way before. I don't know what's going on... There are moments when I feel great and unstoppable. But the next moment, I have feelings of disappointment, anger, and other feelings that I don't even know how to describe. I don't know if it has to do with me being scared of what the future hold for me or having to do with feeling lost at the present moment. I still have that feeling that I'm doing things because people want me to do, not what I want to do... I don't even know what I'm talking about... I spend a lot of my time being awake, yet I'm not doing anything. My mind is just a jumble right now...

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."--Conan O'Brien

Conan said that a few nights ago. And adore this quote. In a lot of ways, I see myself in this quote. I like to think I work really hard at everything I do, and when I do work hard I enjoy the fact that good things happen out of my working hard. I don't know. It's really hard for to explain. Anyway, I thought that I should post that...

It's time to get started on the huge load of homework that I have for myself...Whoops.

Oh Here We Go Again...

I just finished moving into my new room. I'm still in the same dorm, just a new location. Why I moved? Three Reasons Why: 1) I didn't want to pay the extra like 600 dollars to keep my room to myself, 2)I wasn't a fan of living by myself, 3) If I decided to stay, they were more than likely give me a roommate, and I'm pretty sure that I would be able to deal with her. But now I'm living with Mimi. We rearranged the room and unpacked. It would've been a boring night, but her friends kept us entertained. I believe that this will be a fun experience for me.

On another note, I had a lot of fun today. My classes today were bearable. We had a quiz in Discrete, which I was super nervous about because for the most part, I understand it, but I have yet to memorize all the truth tables and symbols associated with it. It's not exactly all that fun yet... but we will see how things will go. Theatre was the same. He was lecturing, but I don't pay attention. Chemistry was the same. I was in and out of paying attention... whoops! After classes though, I had lunch with my frog camp group! Oh my gosh it was so fun. It was just a small group of people, but it's those simple little things in life that make me realize how blessed I am. After lunch, I headed to the Fort Wort Science Museum with Aury. It was kind of our three year anniversary date. The museum itself as a structure was really nice, but a lot of the exhibits are geared for smaller children. Nonetheless it was quite fun. Afterwards, I took a nap. Woke Up an started moving...

That's basically my day. It was so much fun. I am definitely blessed. I am starting to get behind on school work... oh dang. "Here we go again"