Here Comes the Sun

The sun came out today. It seems like it's been YEARS since I've seen the beauty of the sun. The sun coming out definitely made my day 2390802398 times better. Most of my friends enjoy the rain and storms. But frankly, storms actually do scare me, and they put me in a crummy mood.

It's hard to believe that it's almost spring break! I'm almost done being a first semester sophomore. We signed up for housing this past week. I signed up to live with my best friends here, Maggie Savage and Mern Haider. They've seriously helped me get through the difficulties of this thing called college.

My grades are NO where I want them to be. But spring is finally coming! The sun will put me a better mood, and I will start study outside every possible moment I get. That's is something that I am looking forward...

It's time for me to head over the hall council... This post is NOT over. For all I know, I am thinking about revamping it after the meeting and a possible work out.

Sunshine?

It's March. Only TWO whole weeks until Spring Break. I have to take 5 tests in two weeks. I have to work 24 hours in two weeks. I have to dedicate 92348930284 hours to studying in two weeks. And I still have these feelings of anger, emptiness, and anger.

I don't know. The only thing I want to do is cry.

Where is the sun? I haven't seen you in DAYS. The weather seems like it's a reflection of my my moods. Coincidence? I have no idea.

Another pointless post.

Pointless...

I just feel angry, and I'm angry basically all of the time. I can't even fathom the idea why. I am just angry..

Lately, the only thing I have been watching is the Winter Olympic Games. I wake up to it and I go to bed watching it.

In other news, I didn't do so well on the past two tests. ugh.

Probably the most pointless post ever.

It's a Charmed Life

From reading blogs, I've come to the conclusion that I will never get as deep as any of the blogs that I read. But I think that's from my perspective on life. I never really did live a hard life. To be completely honest, I believe that I have a charmed life. I've always been a little spoiled throughout my life, yet I still worked extremely hard to get where I am today.

Anyway, I finally made up with you. And it feels great. I'm sorry for acting the way that I did, but I didn't know what to do or how to feel. I thought about it though, A LOT.

I feel better. I feel more like myself.

If we'll find better days

How am I supposed to feel? I just feel so weird-ed out. I may have to deal with the amount of stress I have, but I don't know.

I sleep whenever I get the chance, granted it's only like 6 or 7 hours a night. I still feel exhausted. Even when I slept for almost a day, I was still tired. I don't know if it has to deal with the stress level that I face on daily basis-- school, homework, work, family, and just life itself. But everyone my age has to deal with this, but what makes mine so different. I know I should not be complaining about this in a blog. But when it comes to it, I don't know what I'm saying, so this just an outlet for my random ramblings.

Even though the news of you occurred all at once, and you have apologized for it. I don't know if I can really deal with it. I have this feeling that says 'it's going to be worth it. just stick with it sandi'. and I know that I need to stick to my gut feelings, but something tells me that they are wrong.

You were the person that I ran to for advice, and now I don't know if I can. So I can't really run to anyone. I don't know what to do anymore. I just wish time would freeze give me time to work things out. Because I wonder "if we'll find better days"

I can't breathe without you, but I have to...

As I sit here in my dorm room alone and attempt at my Discrete Math homework, I can't get myself to do it. I just can't, and I have to blame you for it...

I don't even know where to begin to describe how I feel. I don't know if I should be angry or sad. Should I be angry because you chose not to tell me and that I had to find out through a network of friends? Or should I be sad because I feel like I'm partly to blame for this because I didn't spend enough time with you or I didn't see the warning signs and I should have taken some action of some sort. But frankly, I don't know anymore...All I know is that sitting here and crying seems like the only thing that makes sense to me... We were supposed to talk today, but I don't think that's going to happen. Mostly because I don't know if I really want to... I know that at some point we have to talk about it because nothing is going to get fixed if we don't. But at this point in my life, I don't want to talk about it.

Even though you don't want things to change, I believe that they will change. The change may be good or it may be bad. I don't know. I hope you know that I may not be able to see you in the same light. I don't know... Is it worth it? Or has things gone past repair? I just want to find the answers, but I don't want to know the answer if that makes any sense...

What's done is done, and I guess only time will tell what happens...

And My Head Keeps on Spinning

I have never felt this way before. I don't know what's going on... There are moments when I feel great and unstoppable. But the next moment, I have feelings of disappointment, anger, and other feelings that I don't even know how to describe. I don't know if it has to do with me being scared of what the future hold for me or having to do with feeling lost at the present moment. I still have that feeling that I'm doing things because people want me to do, not what I want to do... I don't even know what I'm talking about... I spend a lot of my time being awake, yet I'm not doing anything. My mind is just a jumble right now...